just checkin

well just checking to see if this thing is still working maybe i will try and get back to blogging....i certainly cant say that i have nothing to write about..LOL

So much on my mind....not sure where to begin....seek the truth because the truth will set you free. I do my best to live daily in the truth of reality whatever that reality is. Some times the reality sux, but at least it's the reality! The reality that I live in is fairly simple most of the time. Lies hurt people! Half truths hurt people! Manipulation hurts people! Being honest is simple, telling the truth is simple, allowing people the space to think and reason and feel is simple. Robbing people of the truth, whatever that truth is just creates chaos, confusion and relentless pain. Yes, the truth some times hurts, but at least it's the truth. The truth is that I would much rather be hurt with the truth than hurt by the lies and secrets. With the truth comes peace and comfort even in the pain.

Maybe it's back to blogging...

Well, it's been a while. I finally have a few minutes and my computer!! It is finally working almost the way it should, after 2 trips to some unknown repair place in some other state. So, maybe it's back to blogging....but where does one start after a month of silence? Well, Lexy of course!!! Lexy is a very good baby and a very beautiful one at that! Here she is with her Daddy!

not all fun...

Ok, so its not all fun and games...now that Rylee is feeling a lil better....i have whatever he had....no no not fun!! I'm sure for him it was a lot worse...of course this just started and one can hope it wont get worse or last as long as his did!!

ook...not so fun...

Well...wow...what a week....Hospitals and babies...no fun. Lil Rylee has been very sick....after having to suffer through IV's and hours of prods and pokes he was sent home....only to return today with yet another symptom. Poor lil guy...hope to find out that every thing is ok...With blood in his stool and not being able to hold anything down, his Mommy and Daddy have been suffering watching him...Mommy is ready to bring Lexy into our lives next week, we all sure hope Rylee is better by then. Gamma and Gampa have been praying for all of them....soo hard to hear and see lil ones sick...But I have to say from a Mom's heart....hearing your son say "No, Mom I do not want to pray", was probably one of the hardest things I have heard. I did however realize that though I trust and believe in the power of prayer that does not mean that my son has the same trust. Maybe he was just tired and aggravated, as we all get that way when we get weary.

yea it's been a few days...

Well, yea it's been a few days....filled with different things....a couple trips to lakeworth to support my niece in her surgery. Enjoyed having Rylee a couple times this week.....he is sooooooo much fun...have i said that before? :-) Sadly, though when Friday got here I was just too exhausted to have Rylee for the night, I had not been sleeping very well, and by 6 pm I was falling asleep...I could have just stayed in my chair and skipped the Friday nite "Good Friday" service. But I didn't! I did sleep from 830pm til 8am waking u just a couple times for a couple minutes....I was tired! Not much to write about but figured I should say something...

Ok...today was quite interesting....

Ok...Now today was quite interesting....I spent the day with my niece Sami I am very proud of Sami she is taking steps to better herself and that is just so very cool! I also got to see my other niece Melly who is about 5 months pregnant with a baby girl!! Wow! I get to be a "great" aunt!! OOO sooo much fun!! I expect it should be as fun as bein a "gamma" I get to spoil her and give her back!! Melly looks soooo cute with her lil baby bump! So very happy for her and Sian! Now Lexy Ann (my new lil granddaughter that will be here very soon!!) will have a lil playmate her cousin will arrive just 4 months later!!

Well......lets see....yesterday I connected with an old friend that I had not talked to in about 28 years...he is the brother of a friend of mine and one of my brother's oldest friends. Kenny, is in recovery and has almost 6 years clean....he had 7 years clean and thought he could smoke a lil pot and be ok...he said 3 days later he realized that he could not just smoke a lil pot and be ok. I guess I needed to hear that.....anyway....hearing his voice was just so cool....because though he never knew until last night he alwayz helped me feel better...and he and his sister saved my life when i was about 11 years old and had been thinking seriously about taking myself out of this world. Niether of them knew it at the time....they both know now...and you know we just never know when some lil thing that we do could be life changing in some one else's life. I seen kenny almost every day there for a while back then.....and I looked forward every day to that time....when I could surprise him and soak him with hose while he was sitting in his car...ready to go to work....or do some other lil trick to him or my brother....hey that's what lil sisters are for...right?

Yep...another post about....

Rylee...what a sweetie!! Yep... another post about my awesome wonderful gift! Today he was here for a lil while and we did all the lil things that we do. We have a "spinning chair" he climbs in it and says..."MorMor" LOL He loves to spin! we played with the blocks and with the singing frog "Do you love me now that i can dance" Rylee dances quite well for a lil' guy! then we watched Elmo and he fell asleep with gamma in the chair....bout an hour later he woke up an patted my shoulder and said..."googirl" LOL tooooo cute!! I sing him a lil song that I wrote for him..."Rylee is my sweetest lil buddy that i know...he's the sweetest lil buddy from his head to his toes...Rylee is my sweetest lil buddy that i know...God gave him to me love and hold...he rubs my hair as i sing to him.

the answer is YES!!

Summer is coming! And it's getting warm here! the Pool is closed for repair until the middle of April......why not fix the pool during the winter months?? Duhhhhhhh!! I have been reconnecting with a friend that I have missed and it has been very cool! Some times we have to get away from things to see them from a different view! So just remember that when you are wondering if you should take that little get-a-way.....the answer is YES!

Just because my brain thinks it....

Things change...people change....the way we see things change...what we believe may change...feelings may change...and just because my brain thinks it...or my heart feels it...does not make it true. One thing that is certain, we can not always trust our thoughts or feelings. So based on that we should also be very careful when acting on or reacting to our thoughts or feelings. I am not sure where that came from but I know it to be true. When I left on our little adventure from South Florida to New York...I was feeling and thinking things that time seemed to change...People....situations.....circumstances....are not always as they seem...but grace is still the key.

Being a "Gamma"

Being a "Gamma" is absolutly the best thing in the world..next to Jesus! Playing with Rylee who is 16 months old is soooo fun! We were playing "Crash" with the train and the plane and he was just sooo funny and laughing so hard, he had me in pain from laughing so much! Just so much excitment in him over the simplest things. It is awesome to hear him say "Googirl" to Zingrrz when he pets her! He applauds every time she retrieves the frisbee with claps and now saying "wooohooo!!" in a high pitched voice like he hears me and Abbey doing! Having a blast being "Gamma"!!

Bucking Bronco

Just another day in the not so sunny sunny south Florida. Some days its hard to find the lesson or purpose of the day. Other days it knocks you off your feet. Nothing really mind altering or mood changing has occurred in the last couple days. I did take Zingrrz on a bike run yesterday...but it was more like like a walk/jog. She likes to this game we created called, "Bucking Bronco" she bucks like a bronco and tries to catch the leash in her mouth and then likes to run as fast as she can pulling me....It is a very funny to watch! However, with my ribs still very sensitive I could not play bucking bronco, but she seemed to accept that fairly well after a few bucks! I am undecided on which activity causes less pain to the ribs and left shoulder...throwing the Frisbee or riding the bike. In any event, I am still sore....actually a lot more sore today than I have been. We did play Frisbee yesterday as well. Hopefully soon I will be able to do what I want to do without all the discomfort of pain!

We've been to the zoo....

Today was a fun day! We've been to the zoo!! Well, actually it was Lion Country Safari; in West Palm Beach. Gary and I, Chris, Lin and Rylee all drove together through the safari. While we were in the lion area, I wanted to get a good look at a lion so I rolled my window down to get a good picture....and all of the sudden, coming from an unknown place was this very loud voice....."ROLL UP YOUR WINDOW" I was looking around trying to find out where the voice was coming from and it speaks again, "YOU in the SILVER CAR ROLL UP YOUR WINDOW NOW!! "It was funny! Although the zoo people did not find it as funny! That was quite interesting! We also hand fed and touched stings rays! Hand fed Giraffes, they have very long tongues that feel very strange!! I also had 5 or 6 different birds eating while perched on my hand and arm and two on my head trying to eat! Seeing Rylee's eyes when he saw those birds all over me was very funny! One Ostrich was actually pecking on the window of the car in front of us! The best part of the day was seeing the smiles on Rylee's face and the looks in his eyes, and his lil giggles as things amused him.

The Garden

The Garden

Our life is a garden
in an ocean of weeds
growing and changing
with it's own special needs

Our life is a garden
in the waves of life
devoted to service
as a maiden and wife

Our life is a garden
in a heart of full of soil
with a fence to protect it
from the world's turmoil

Our life is a garden
we have choices to make
with our gifts & our talents
full of souls to help shape

Our life is a garden
of music and song
to be a place of refuge
for the hurting to belong

Our life is a garden
a job we all own
soldiers of the field
not called to battle alone

Our life is a garden
a hard path to travel
Jesus is our flash light
on the road paved with gravel

Our life is a garden
in a park or playground
a heart lost in darkness
seeking to be found

Our life is a garden
filled with jobs to be done
workers are needed
to carry the message of His Son

Our life is a garden
a spring filled with love
beautifully designed
by our Creator above
ycbⓒ2006

Welcome to my garden

Well, it seemed time to change colors. You know some times you just to have to say exactly what is on your mind even if what you have to say does not want to be heard. I made it through Calendar planning day without making any commitments. It was however, the most boring 3 hours I have experienced in a very long time. I did say in my previous post that I was not going to commit to anything, but that was actually a false statement.....just to clarify I am committed to my faith in Jesus and will remain that way....I am also committed to my recovery process and plan to pick up a 10 year Medallion in July! I am very committed to my marriage even though some times, I wonder if it is all really worth it, and usually when I get to that point God allows some kind of break through! (Thank you God) I am a Gamma and I am extremely committed to being the best Gamma I can be! As far as I am concerned that is my new job! I love this job!!! The only thing better than being a Gamma is Jesus and what He did for me! Being a Gamma is absolutely the best "high' I have ever experienced! Oh, and just for the record if anyone is keeping one) I am also committed to healthy, sane, safe, good relationships. A man once told me that there are all kinds of relationships....and that a relationship needs to be defined.....he was right as he usually is.....so I have learned to define what it means to me. In order to have that kind of experience in relationships also means to be committed to giving time, energy, forgiveness and grace to those you seek to have that experience with. My life is a garden and I have worked extremely hard to get it healthy, sane and safe, I am the gardener in charge of making it what I want it to be. Welcome to my garden.

just a day here

Well, another day another blog entry...yesterday (friday) we took a little trip to Hollywood and I found some treasures in the local thrift store!! It's one of my favorite things to do...surfing through some one elses junk! Then Abbey and I went to TooJays for lunch a local Deli. I think Gary would like their Veggie Personal size Pizza! Then we came home and got ready for Rylee to come over for the night! When he got here we took "Zingrrz" out to play frisbee. It's so cute to hear Rylee say "Zingrrz" and clap when she catches the frisbee and brings it back! Rylee is getting very big and it's very cool to be watching him grow....so much different as a "Gamma" then it was as a "Mommy"! He now sleeps in a toddler bed and seems to be pretty prepared for his lil sister to come! Which is very soon!!!!! Can not wait to my get my hands on Lexie!! Rylee went home and then the washer got guy came again for the 3rd time in a week to fix the washer ...... it was the hose the whole time....You know certain hoses are made for certain things...There seems to be a reason for that!! Then Gary fried a turkey..........o sooooo yummy...if you have not had a fried turkey ....you need to try it! We cooked a 13 pound turkey in an hour! So we had all the fixens too!!! And we topped it off with fresh strawberry shortcakes!! Even Zingrrz had a treat as she got to lick the plates and have some kool aid!!! She likes it!! Tomorrow is Calendar Day at church ...where they plan the Calendar events for the year....I am going but I am NOT comitting to anything! I have a new life commandment and that is "I am not going to commit to anything again!" Ok...I guess I have rambled on enough about "just a day here".

Upon my Arrival Home

Upon my arrival home from our trip, I was greeted at the end of the street by my wonderful and very pregnant daughter in law (who will be giving us a beautiful baby girl...Lexie Ann, in April) and my grandson Rylee James! ( I am sure if I continue to blog you will hear a lot about them!! Well, I was so excited to see him and I had missed him soooo much that I put the car in park and jumped out right there! At which point I decided if I jumped back in the car and walked away from he might get upset soooo I told Linda (his Mommy) to please drive the car on to the house and I would walk with Rylee. Well, all was going very well until Rylee and I were running chasing the ball and I was right behind him and he tripped.....I was so afraid of stepping on him that I chose to jump over him, but then as I did I got scared that my foot might hit him so I threw my feet up in the air and dove to the side and landed rib first on the sidewalk....breaking a few ribs! I was not home 15 minutes! Well, they say things happen for a reason....I am NOT sure of the reason as of yet! It's been TWO weeks now and I have learned several things.....Hiccups and broken ribs do not get a long very well...Sneezing or coughing also do not get a long well with broken ribs...And I do NOT "do nothing" very well!!!

Canada for a minute!!

Ok, well as I ponder on our trip from Florida to Virginia to New York, I think of many things that we experienced like illegally entering Canada was certainly a very interesting trip for us!! Mom wanted to show us where Canada was and boy did she!!! As we got caught illegally entering Canada!! I thought it was funny, because we had no idea we managed to enter Canada. I tried to find out by asking the nice man in uniform carrying a gun, but Mom yelled at me to "shut~up" LOL I was seriously just wanting to know how we managed to do that! Well, the nice officer finally let us back into New York!

Zingrrz and the snow

Zingrrz and the snow......how fun!!! She loved playing in it and chasing the light and sliding in the ice!!! Catching the Frisbee and throwing snow up in the air with her nose!! She also liked catching snowballs in her mouth and rolling in the snow!!! What a silly puppy!!!

(My camera broke so we really only have about 5 pics of the whole trip!! We lost the ones we had on it! As soon as I find a way to get those pics I will share them!)

Loading Up to leave Mom's

Let's see...then when we were loading up the car to leave Mom's house, I took Zingrrz out and said come on and she walked to the car with me, then I let go of her leash and said "up and in" and she looked at the car then she looked at me....and made the quick decision to run and sit under the tree in the snow!! She was NOT wanting another 13 hour drive!! LOL She loved being at Mom's and having the freedom to run and play in the snow!! She made it clear what her choice was...if she had one!

Well, We meet again in this strange but interesting way of dialogue. It's 430 am and I do not think I could sleep another minute! Here I thought, I could not rest any more than I did while I was at Momz house, but God does seem to have an interesting sense of humor? I do not know what I need rest from as I do not have much to do that I need rest from! Any good books that I should read? LOL Have not attempted to do any poetry writing...Waiting on God to give it...Any good subjects to write about...well I guess there is snow and frozen windshield wiper fluid and a lil porkipine in a tree that Ray graciously did not shoot! Then there are wild Turkeys running wild! And Thrift stores full of all kinds of treasures in the midst of what seems to be abandoned towns! Of course there is Mom baking cookies and preparing some of the best home cooked meals I have ever had! How cool it is to feel at home some where, not something I have a lot of experience at! Oh! then we must not forget the cold bedroom (that was absolutely great!!) with the warmest most comfortable bed with the nicest softest blankys I have ever had! And the little white church filled with chatter among people that seem to be comfortable in their shoes! The thoughts of wondering what it must of been like to live like that and grow up in an environment that breathed with a sense ease. If that does not make sense to you the reader, be very thankful! I wonder how many people do not realize how blessed they are and how blessed they were to have a place to call home. As Mom shared with me the benefits of a small town, I wondered do her kids really know how truly blessed they were! I am sure there were hard times and struggles and I am sure the kids felt like many kids feel. But there is a blessing that comes with structure, rules, and the word No. I guess I am just rambling here but what else do people do at 430 am! One thing that I know God has been showing me, is His love for me, though I do not claim to understand and still have no clue how to wrap my brain around it. God is using Mom to Mom me! LOL That does sound funny and I am not sure why He is doing this and has been doing this for ten years now and it is so totally foreign to me still, but for whatever reason God seems to want me to know what it is to be Mommed! LOL Maybe there is a poem there. We'll see. Mom, thank you for being Mom and for giving to the Lord, I am a life that was changed. (as the song goes). Well, the time stamp here is very wrong! Just to let you know!

Well, it's been a while since my last post but since people actually do read this stuff maybe i can try a lil harder to blog...i never been much into journaling and this seems like basically the same thing. Ora, I did not mean to leave you out, I only told Mom about my blog...she was doing it so I told her I would try! Anyway, not much going on here now....we went on a very long very cool road trip from south florida to virginia to ny. That is a lot of driving!! The best part of the trip for me was just getting to spend time with "Mom"! Playing in the snow with Zingrrz was great! As soon as I get the FEW pictures I did get I will post them! For some reason God thought it to be a good idea to throw me on the ground 3 times in 3 weeks, the 3rd time I broke my ribs...not 15 minutes after we got home from our road trip! I finally told Him It was NOT necessary to throw me on the ground again! I have no clue what He wants but i sure He finds another way to get my attention! Just for the record...Hiccups and broken ribs do NOT go well together! Well, now my biggest challenge is accepting that my ribs are broke and that just coz I feel a lil better does not mean I am....I keep starting to think "maybe I didn't break them" then I play with my grandson for an hour or so and realize....well, maybe the doctors were right after all! LOL I do not do NOTHING very well. Well, I guess I should kick back for a while...sitting up for more than hour at a time turns to discomfort...
Bye4Now

Another day at the Lake

Today, we took Zingrrz back to the lake, it really helps tire her out. She had a hard time locating the frisbee because of the movement of the water due to the wind. We may have to locate a different type of water toy for her to retrieve. When we got home, my grandson came over for his weekly sleep over, he is getting so big, and beginning to play with Zingrrz also, that dog sure loves Rylee! Watching them play tug-o-war with the rope is very cute!! This big 60 pound dog playing so gentle with a 23 pound 14 month old! What a site to see! I am sure as Rylee gets older he and Zingrrz will become very good buddies!!

Well, another day in the little town of Davie, Florida...Today, Zingrrz and I did two bike runs for a total of about 5 and a half miles, she sure loves to run! I also had my date with a young girl named Heather, her and I are meeting every Thursday evening, her dad recently died and she is 9 years old, her and I have been friends for a while and it's a lot fun to hang out with her. We went to Cold Stone's tonight and had ice cream she loved it more than I did. Anyway, that was pretty much day!!

Well, i aint sure why people blog...but hey i will try anything once and twice if im unsure about the first tym. I kind of have fallen out of the chatroom life style, i guess it just doesnt entertain me anymore. This week i found a new puppy park called "Bark Park" in fort lauderdale florida. They have a lake there for dogs to swim in, and Zingrrz really loves it!! She fetches the frisbee! Its a beautiful lake, Raccoons and aquannas share it with us! Maybe Friday when I go I will bring my camera and post some pics here. Well, I guess thats all i have to say today.